Once you've sworn off getting sloshed, next - or maybe really first - give your car keys to a sober friend.
By the way, I'm assuming you're not falling down drunk; that's beyond the reach of this information. Indeed, if you've been falling down drunk a couple of times in your life, you probably should seek professional treatment. What's being discussed here is the aftermath of the Christmas party, the celebration on winning the promotion you've always wanted, or any relatively mild departure from good sense that leaves you feeling awash in alcohol.
Hangover Recovery
When you've been chauffeured home by a sober friend, here's how to proceed:
Take a warm shower. If you're on the verge of passing out, have your friend stay to help, or at least catch you as you slide down the wall so you won't drown.
Why warm? Why not a cold shower? As British author Kingsley Amis points out in his book, Everyday Drinking, a cold shower would be too hard on a system already in a sort of shock.
When you've cleaned yourself up, get into bed.
Oooops. The room is spinning. What to do? Put one foot on the floor. Really. And go to sleep. When you wake up, you're room will no longer be spinning and you'll be on your way to recovery.
When you decide to get up, there are a number of things you should do.
First, hydrate. Drink water. Not tons, but a small glass of room-temperature water. Cold water would distress your already delicate digestion. Also, you don't want to water down what comes next, the pick-me-up.
Rocky Mountain Oysters
Second, make yourself the time-honored cure for hangover, a Rocky Mountain Oyster.
Don't bother to google that phrase, or its companion, Prairie Oysters. All you'll get is information about bull's testicles. Some nasty midwestern beer joints may indeed serve the things as a delicacy. (I once had "turkey fries" in a bar in Southern Indiana...and guess what they were?) But that's not under discussion here. What is under discussion is the traditional meaning of the term, the one that refers to a homemade concoction that will pick you up, not make you want to barf at the very idea. After all, you've narrowly escaped barfing.
Ingredients:
- Brandy
- 1 egg
- Worcester sauce
- Pepper sauce
Directions:
- Pour one-finger of brandy into an old-fashioned glass.
- Shake in a couple of zings of Worcester sauce and another of a pepper sauce.
- Crack a raw egg into this.
- Pick up glass, raise to lips, close eyes, and swallow. As is.
(OK. Maybe this did make you want to barf a bit, but not as much as the bull's testicles would, or even turkey's parts. Read on; there's a more palatable pick-me-up at the end.)
Third, eat breakfast. But do not follow your folly with a big breakfast. Eat a light breakfast, toast and tea, for instance. No cold juice; you still need to avoid shocking your system. Take a Vitamin B pill if the spirit moves you; some think they help.
Gentle Movement
Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Last night, you didn't think you even had a rest of your life. That being the case, take it easy on yourself. Get the blood and muscles moving properly again, but do it gently. Go for a leisurely walk. Don't, for goodness sake, try ocean kayaking for the first time on such a day; I know whereof I speak.
A Rum Alternative to the Prairie Oyster
By the way, if you don't think you can tolerate the time-honored Rocky Mountain Oyster, here's a mixture that's simple and probably more palatable.
Ingredients:
- Rum
- Lime juice
- Sugar
Directions:
Mix four parts rum to one part lime juice and sweeten as much as you like. Do not pour over ice. Just drink as is.
This is not a fun drink, after all, so you won't be sipping it on the veranda and therefore won't need the ice. It's a recovery potion for the idiocy you engaged in the night before.
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